A Letter To My 21 Year Old Self

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This is a letter to my 21 year old self that I wrote about beauty and my new love for great products like AVEENO® from Walmart.

Hey girl!

If I know you like I know you, you’re probably sitting in your bedroom in front of your lighted makeup mirror, carefully applying your makeup or teasing your hair, after you take it out of the hot rollers of course.  It can never be too big, right?  If you aren’t doing your hair or your makeup, you are probably making a handwritten list of everything you wore today, because it’s super important to document your outfits so that you won’t repeat them.  Believe it or not, you are still documenting your outfits, but in a way that you cannot possibly imagine yet!  And while you are doing all of this you may be listening to some Madonna, George Michael, or Milli Vanilli.

I’m coming to you from the future, as your older, wiser self.  In fact, you just celebrated the big 4-7!  At the very least, you can rest assured knowing you made it this far.  So, here you are, 26 years later with slightly better hair, the same skinny legs, but about 25 pounds heavier, which probably sounds nightmarish to you, but trust me, it’s not so bad!  You are going to meet some older women at work really soon who will kindly inform you that one of these days you aren’t going to be able to eat anything you want anymore, and you laugh to yourself, thinking they have another thing coming.  Believe them, because every word they are telling you will come to pass!   But rest easy young Nicki.  You are too thin anyway, and a little weight is going to look just fine on you.

Let’s get one thing out of the way right up front- you have three children!  You always said you wanted three kids for your whole life, and you got all three of them, two boys and a girl!  I know how you always wanted a daughter, and you will be so happy to know you got your beautiful little girl.  You can’t imagine yourself being a mom to boys yet, but believe it or not, you will love those boys more than you can possibly imagine!  You won’t be able to imagine your life without any of them.

I need to tell you that there will be some dark times in the next 10 years where you will feel like you aren’t going to make it to the bright side. But you do Nicki, you survive the trials and tribulations that you think you can’t.  And not only do you survive, you thrive!  It will be through the very thing that almost breaks you that you will find your strength.   You come out a much stronger and wiser woman.  And as a result of those bad times, you find a strength inside of yourself that you didn’t know existed.  And one thing is for sure, you know now that nothing can defeat you.

I know you are planning your wedding right now and you are so excited.  And part of me wants to scream at you to run in the other direction! This marriage is going to turn out to be one of the worst decisions you ever make.  But, I’m not going to tell you not to get married, because your two oldest children came from that marriage.  And those two kids are going to bring you so much  joy!  I am going to warn you though that it is going to be a very rocky and heartbreaking road for you. And I wish I could drill this one thing into your brain- you are worthy of so much love and respect.  I wish you could see this now.

There is going to come a day within the next 10 years when you will not even know how you are going to crawl out of bed in the morning, and you will consider giving up.  Don’t you do it though. Keep persevering, and know that in the end you will be rewarded with more happiness and love than you can ever imagine!  You are going to have a few very miserable years, but through your pain, you are going to learn what a strong and resilient woman you truly are.  You will be happy to know that you do find love again, and you get married again, and your third baby will be born.  And that little boy is going to be the sweetest and the most loving of all of your children, and you will know in your heart that he is the reward for everything you went through.  The second time around it is a wonderful love, the kind of love you have always longed for.  And you are going to be so happy!

Now that I have assured you that the dark days you will go through will surely end and bright happy days will lie ahead, I want to talk to you about something that has always been a part of your life, and that is beauty.  I doubt you are surprised, right?  Seriously, how many minutes have you spent looking in the mirror?  Probably way too many, but beauty and fashion are in your soul, girlfriend, and that is not going to change.  If your little 21 year old self only knew what your 46 year old self knows today, you would be so much better off.  So I am going to share all of my beauty secrets with you today.  Let me tell you what goes down during my bathroom time, it’s a sacred place, you know.  Your bathroom is where all of the magic happens!

I can’t help, as I write this, but to think of our daughter Delaney, who is the very age that you are right now.  She’s 21 and she has her entire life in front of her just like you do right now.  And guess what, she is a fashion major!  So hopefully you have imparted these words of wisdom to her along the way.  You will see so much of yourself in your daughter, Nicki.  But she is more of everything.  More beautiful, smarter, everything you always wished you were.  It’s all there in your daughter.  So let’s get on with this and talk about how you are going to keep yourself as young looking as possible during this journey called life. Aren’t you dying to know my secrets?

Let’s start with those curly perms and all of the teasing and the caked on hairspray.  And don’t even get me started on all of the bleaching you are doing to your hair!  It’s hard to believe, but one day this will be a thing of the past.  You will be ditching the teasing combs and hot curlers for a flat iron.  You will get your hair cut short a few times, and I’m here to tell you, it’s not a good look for you.  The women in your family are going to drill it into your head that once a woman reaches a certain age, it’s time to have short hair.  Let that go in one ear and right out the other.  Because that is a load of crap.  Who made that rule anyway?  You have the right to wear your hair however you want to.  So if you like it better long, wear it long, and throw all of those old fashioned rules right out the window.

AVEENO PURE RENEWAL® Shampoo and Conditioner is sulfate free and helps to rebalance your hair’s optimal moisture to leave it shiny, healthier looking, and more full of life.  And over the years, you will find out that you need all of this!  You will find it effective at removing impurities and renewing your hair to it’s most balanced state with each wash.  The shampoo contains a naturally derived cleanser that provides gentle care for the hair and scalp.  And the conditioner moisturizes and softens without weighing your hair down.  

No need to wash your hair every day.  It’s bad for your hair!  Can you believe that?  It is now a very common thing for women to only wash their hair two-three times a week, and you will find that your hair is so much more healthy when you start practicing this.  Also when you stop bleaching your hair so much and stop getting those nasty curly perms.  

Next up- your skin.  That skin is the only skin you’ve got. So treat it with care.  I know you think you look so much better with a tan, and you like to spend hours laying out in the sun and you love to frequent the tanning beds for 6 months out of the year.  In your opinion, you can’t get a dark enough tan.  But if there is one thing I get through to you, let it be this.  Get the heck out of that tanning bed!  You are doing serious damage to your skin, and you are going to pay the price for years with visits to the dermatologist every 6 months, and countless suspicious spots that need to be removed.  Your chest and your legs are going to be dotted with scars, all caused by the damage you are doing to your skin in that tanning bed. And start wearing sunscreen when you are out in the sun right away.  Don’t ever go without it.  It is going to be what protects you from all of those Dr. appointments in the future.

Let’s talk more specifically about your face.  I can’t stress enough how you need to treat your face with loving care starting right now.  People are always telling you how young you look, and being a typical 21 year old, you don’t like hearing that.  But trust me, the fact that you look younger than you are is a gift. And it will continue to be a gift to you well into your 40’s.  But there are lots of things you can do to take better care of your skin.  The sunscreen should not be limited to your body, you need to apply it to your face as well.  But not only that, moisturizer is your friend, trust me on that.  You have always had dry skin, and it is very important for you to never skip the moisturizer.  Apply it liberally and often.

And the moisturizer isn’t just for your face.  You need to religiously apply lotion on your entire body. Make it a daily ritual to always apply moisturizer and lotion to your body and face after bathing.  And I don’t care how tired you are, just do it!  Here’s a little piece of news that you will be surprised to know- drinking water is good for your skin!  I know how you hate to drink water, but find a way to get it down. Because it will help you stay younger looking.  Trust me on this.  

Let’s not leave out the importance of a good pair of tweezers.  Your tweezers are going to be the one beauty tool you cannot live without.  You will spend hours upon hours of your life looking in the magnifying mirror and tweezing every stray hair from your face.  It is very important for you to keep that stuff tamed!  And not just tweezers, but be open to shaving your face!  I know you are gasping right now, aren’t you?  But it’s kind of a thing nowadays.  You will find this hard to believe, but it will be your college aged daughter who will turn you onto shaving your face.  And once you start, you will never want to stop. You have been living with that peach fuzz for far too long.  Don’t be afraid of it either, it’s not true that the hair will grow back thicker or darker.  But it is true that your makeup will go on smoother, and you will feel a lot better about yourself.  You will buy a little electric razor with one blade that is made for women and you will never look back.

I know you feel just fine with very little sleep right now, but you have no idea how important it is to get a good 7-8 hours of sleep at night.  It is going to help improve your memory, you will live longer, you will perform better at school and work, and you will be a healthier person if you get more sleep.

I touched on this above, and I know you might find it hard to believe, but you need to be more conscious of what you are eating.  Because right around when you hit 30, you are going to start gaining weight, and the realization that you can’t eat whatever you want is going to smack you in the face, hard.  You are never going to reach the point where you are obese, but you won’t be happy with your body, and you will join Weight Watcher’s eventually.  You will lose the weight and learn a healthier lifestyle, but it would be better all around if you would just start being more aware of what you eat.

When you were growing up, you were always physically active.  You were a cheerleader and a gymnast, and you even ran track.  And even at the ripe old age of 21, you go to step aerobics and you walk a lot. You know the importance of exercise and you have that desire to lead an active lifestyle, but you are a natural born couch potato.  And you were raised in a very sedentary household with a mother who never exercised a day in her life.  So you are going to have to work and try hard to stay active and fight those couch potato demons that live inside of you.  You don’t do a terrible job, but you can definitely do better.

Let’s touch on makeup.  Oh how you love your makeup, don’t you?  Well, that’s never going to change! Just always remember that makeup should be used less as a mask and more to enhance your natural beauty.  People shouldn’t look at you and be able to see makeup caked on your face.  You want them to look at you and think that you are naturally pretty.  Natural beauty is the key and is never a bad thing! Also, remember to give your face a break from the makeup.  Always, always wash your makeup off before you go to bed.  I know some nights you just are so so tired.  But take the extra 5 minutes to wash your face and you will never be sorry you did.  Not only that, but on the weekends is a good time to just spend a day or two with no makeup at all.

AVEENO® POSITIVELY RADIANT® 60 SECOND IN-SHOWER FACIAL is a great way to transform dull, tired looking skin to brighter, more radiant and velvety soft skin in just one minute.  It helps to reveal healthy looking, glowing skin faster than at home peels and masks.  And good news, you can use it while you’re in the shower!  That makes it great for those days when you are feeling too tired for anything else.  It works with the steam of your shower to deeply but gently exfoliate.  And trust me, exfoliation is one of the keys to younger looking skin, so don’t skip it!  Be sure to follow the directions on the packaging exactly.

When it comes to your face, it is so very important to find a good cleanser, makeup remover, skin serum, eye cream, and moisturizer.  Make it an evening ritual to apply these things and your skin will definitely thank you.  You will start by removing your eye makeup and the rest of your makeup.  After your face is clean you will apply an anti-aging serum and an eye cream.  Be gentle on those eyes and use your ring finger. Let these things soak in for a minute or so, and then apply a really good moisturizer.  This ritual you establish is going to be the reason people tell you you look years younger than you actually are, and the older you get, the better those words will feel, trust me!

And one last piece of advice, young Nicki.  As soon as you get dental insurance, look into getting braces for your bottom teeth.  They are so crooked, and you are going to find yourself staring 50 in the face and wishing you had done this years ago.  You are going to be looking at getting braces when you are in your 40’s, when you could have done it so long ago!  So just take the plunge and do it!

Most importantly, always find forgiveness in your heart.  Even when people hurt and betray you, even if they don’t ask for forgiveness, always know that forgiveness is a gift you give yourself, not a gift you give the person who you feel wronged you.   There are going to be people who seek to tear you down.  Your first husband will tear you down just to keep you from standing back up.  He’ll make you start to believe that you aren’t good enough, nice enough, fun enough, or pretty enough.  He will tell you that no one will ever love you.  He is lying to you Nicki.  He’s lying to you in order to keep you, and that isn’t love.  You are afraid of being alone, afraid of being rejected, of being embarrassed and ashamed. And the truth is, all that you fear will come to pass.

Oh honey, I still remember the pain you will go through.  Understand one thing- it wasn’t you.  It was never you.  Run, don’t walk, away from those who neglect and abuse you.  Take time to find your passion and pursue it.  Never stop learning.  And never, ever give up.  Stop comparing yourself to other people and worrying what they think, and start being you. Because you, Nicki, are beautiful!  And one of these days, you aren’t going to need anyone to tell you that. Because you are going to love yourself.  And trust me when I tell you that loving yourself is the key to beauty.

Love,

 

 

 

 

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